Boundaries Are Good

• August 15, 2019

Let’s talk about boundaries.

Boundaries… lines… rules…

When it’s a door or a wall, it’s easy to see and understand the boundary. On one side of the door, you’re inside and on the other side, you’re outside. Easy to grasp.

The same with a wall. On one side you’re in the hallway and on the other side, you’re in the bedroom.

And, without some major construction, they stay in place.

What about non-tangible boundaries?

Although the same rules should apply, that’s not always the case.

Here’s what you & I know.

Boundaries are good.

Whether physical, emotional or other, they are good.

Boundaries can move too easily.

Unlike physical boundaries, non-tangible boundaries can be moved in a moment.

A couple of examples:

You don’t get married to not sleep with your spouse.

However, one night you both get upset and one of you sleeps on the couch.

A boundary has now been moved.

OR

You cross an unseen line with someone else.

A simple exchange…that “felt” different.

A boundary has moved.

Here’s one of the greatest challenges with boundaries:

ONCE moved, everything associated with it is redefined.

Another example

You are trying to make a point with your spouse.

They’re not getting it. They’re “not listening”.

So…

You cuss or throw something to “get their attention”

It works (seemingly)

Subtly, or not, the boundary just moved.

Now, the next time you’re having one of those same moments, if you’re not careful, you’ll cuss or throw something again.

Remember – once moved, everything associated with it is redefined.

AND

When saying a cuss word or throwing one thing no longer works, if you’re not really careful, you’ll move the boundary again.

The same goes in any and all areas relationally.

New boundaries redefine everything.

New boundaries become the new norm.

And

Because they aren’t visible, they move almost without notice.

And once they’ve been moved once, they become much more easy to move again.

And again.

And again.

Slowly.

Subtly.

Until

You get to a place you don’t even know how you got there.

And the distance back to where you started seems almost inconceivable.

Almost impossible.

If you’ve moved boundaries and you’re not sure what to do about it… how to get back to where you started… or, if you can get back…

I’ve been there.

I can help.

Let’s talk.