No Right Choice. Just a Choice.

• May 19, 2021

Most people hear the call of transformation before they’re willing to heed it.

It’s important to recognize that the mere act of being willing to hear the call of transformation, and act on it, even a little bit, is an incredibly courageous act.

When I talk about hearing the call, that means a willingness to listen to that voice within that is frustrated that life seems to be the way it is. The part of you that recognizes things could be different and longs for that shift. The part of you that yearns for more excitement, contentment, peace, happiness, joy, fulfillment, or whatever else it is that you desire.

Transformation by definition can only come into existence in tandem with a willingness for your existing paradigm to fall apart, and so even being willing to put some attention on this voice requires a degree of courage.

One of the first acts to take when you first hear the call towards transformation is reaching out to someone like me. That in itself is a vulnerable act — a willingness on your part to let someone else see you in this state and to share with another human that you want something that may come at a cost to your existing, short-term, comfort.

People often get scared after the first step. Reaching out and getting into a conversation with someone that can actually support you to create transformation brings everything much closer into focus. You find out the kind of commitment that this kind of work will require in your life (imagine someone sitting down and telling the caterpillar what it is going to require to become a butterfly).

The mere act of talking about what you want on the other side of transformation is going to drive up your fears because it makes everything much more real. You can feel what would be available, but in being willing to get present to that, you’re also made more present to what you’ll have to give up.

This is usually the point where people start to fall away. Life gets busy. Follow-up phone calls get canceled with an earnest promise to reschedule (but without any follow-through beyond that). Things are just a little hectic right now — maybe in a year or so, then it will be the right time.

There’s never really a right time for transformation since the “right time” is a function of your existing paradigm and its accompanying circumstances. Transformation is always going to cause upheaval (again, by definition).

Really, it comes down to when you’re ready to make the choice. And you’re ready to make the choice when you say you are.

The circumstances will never be right — you’ll simply get to the point where you make the decision that your fear is no longer going to stop you, and that is the point where you leap.

Most coaches and leaders step past all of this. The fear that accompanies each step into the heart of transformation is taken personally, or representative of a defect in the person they’re working with. This coincides pretty well with the judgment most of us ladle on top of ourselves when we run or pull away, or make excuses, or find other ways to say “No, not right now, thanks.”

None of this is a sign of something defective in you. It’s all a part of your journey — your sacred journey — stepping into the heart of transformation. It couldn’t really go any different.

Sometimes people show up and are ready to take the step immediately. Sometimes it takes five years, and a lot of conversation, before they’re ready to say “YES” to themselves in this manner.

There’s no “right” choice along that spectrum. Just “a” choice.

When you’re ready, you’ll choose.

And transformation will be waiting for you.