How to Rebuild Shattered Trust

Trust is a very important part of any relationship. Without trust, you don’t feel safe, secure or settled. Trust is the glue that holds any worthwhile relationship together. The good news is, you can choose actions that build trust.  

Each relationship is different. The steps for establishing trust for a romantic relationship are very different than for a business relationship. But all relationships have certain things in common and they all require trust.

Trust in a Nutshell

Here are a few of the basics when it comes to trust:

• Always tell the truth.
• Do what you say you’ll do.
• Keep your promises.
• Only take on what you’re capable of handling.

If you keep these principles in mind, you can build trust in most relationships. A good partnership has to have trust to exist. Whether you’re asking someone for a date or forming a new business venture, trust in each other is vital.

Are Most People Trustworthy?

It depends on you and so many other factors. Your belief system, your experiences, your upbringing, how you’ve worked through situations where trust was shattered in the past, and so much more. Given the same background, two people can emerge from the experience so differently. One can come to the conclusion that people can’t be trusted, the world isn’t safe, it’s better to stay guarded and that’s the safest way to prevent being hurt again. They keep people at a distance as a way to prevent that same pain from impacting them again.

Others can emerge from the same situation believing that people are doing the best they can with what they have available to them. Someone who shattered trust simply isn’t someone they want to spend their time with, and they’re grateful that they now have a sense of what feeling unsafe feels like so they’re better able to surround themselves with those who speak and act differently.

Whether you believe people are trustworthy or not, you may also consider that some people will show they’re trustworthy if given a second chance. Everyone messes up at some point. Whether that person deserves a second chance or not depends on a number of factors too.

Has the person taken steps to rectify the breach of trust? Have they taken responsibility? Have they apologized for their actions? Is there remorse and empathy for the pain they’ve caused? Can you believe that they’ve changed their ways and whatever they said or did to break trust won’t happen again?

If so, is that what you need to be willing to allow the person to slowly rebuild trust with you? Or, were their actions so hurtful, harmful and hateful that you can’t even consider believing in them once again? Now of course, if the person shows no remorse, takes no responsibility, acts callous and isn’t the least bit concerned with the hurt they’ve caused, you have very little to work with here. With some people however, their actions could potentially serve as not only the greatest wake up call for you, but for them as well.

Seeing the pain and hurt they’ve caused may be the shake-up they needed to wake up and change. Yes they may have learned that powerful lesson at your expense and it’s going to take a lot to heal from it. However…

This shattering of trust affects everything. It impacts your ability to trust in the person who hurt you. It also impacts your ability to trust yourself and your judgment. Like ripples in a pond, it then also impacts your ability to trust in others and in everything.

So as you consider these questions about being open to trusting again (with either the person who hurt you or with others), I invite you to ask yourself this one too.

How is withholding trust affecting your health, work, relationships, happiness and self-esteem?

According to the over 70,000 people who’ve taken the Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz, a staggering 84% say they have an inability to trust. 67% prevent themselves from forming deep relationships because they’re afraid of being hurt again. 82% find it hard to move forward and 90% want to move forward but don’t know how.

The good news is, we’re taking it all on June 6^th-10^th during the 5-Day Trust Again Intensive.

Staying stuck is a choice…and one that hurts. You deserve to feel safe again, love again, trust again.

Dr. Debi
Founder and  CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute