The Power of Authentic Charm

• April 27, 2018

What is authentic charm and what is its power?  Is it a kiss on the hand, batting the eyelashes, the debonair man in a Hollywood movie, a special quality that only some people are born with?

I became interested in this subject after attending a business conference.  A few colleagues said to me,” you must spend time with Jack”, who was also a business colleague.

I said, okay, why? The response was because he is sooo charming.  So I met Jack and we had an enjoyable conversation.  We laughed and talked.  He was great to be around.  He was, well, charming.

What did I experience that was labeled charm? We were in a crowded, noisy room, but the attention was on our conversation.  I felt important and engaged in a worthwhile encounter in the midst of a lot of people and activity.

I realized, in a general way, that charm is applying specific skills, such as listening and focusing on the person before you.

While some people have more “natural charm” than others, we all have some to build on. These skills can be learned and polished through desire and practice.

My definition of charm is “the ability and skill to positively influence communication with others so that you both enjoy the interaction, as well as the ability and skill to behave in a manner that attracts others”.  I am convinced that learning the components of charming behavior can help us do our jobs better, network better, be better parents, spouses and colleagues.

Charm is about mindset, skill development and execution and can be employed to reduce conflict, generate business as well as create situations that are win/win.

Listed below are some key behaviors that will increase your Charm Quotient (CQ):

C: Create a physical and mental space to be open to receive others. Put away the cellphone. Focus on the person you are with.

H: Hone your listening skills.  Listen with your eyes, your body language, your words (such as tell me more) as well as your ears.  Listen for nuances in the conversation that can be funny. Laugh at yourself and with others.

A: Acknowledge others, your paying attention helps people open up. Be present or schedule another time to connect.  Show a genuine interest in the lives of others. Ask questions about their opinions and what they read.  Don’t take things personally; often they are not about you.

R: Create rapport as you initiate conversation. Have a general knowledge about a lot of things.  Practice communicating effectively with others.  See the best in everything, even conflict. Conflict brings about change.

M: Master body language. What is the other person’s posture and gesture telling you?  Tap into that.

These behaviors will help you to extend yourself in an effective way.  We are magnets, we radiate thought waves that are picked up by others and impact our  interaction.

Authentic charm lowers defensiveness, yours and others, and allows you to get to what is important.

Observe the behavior of the most charming person you know. Identify what he or she does.  Watch the effect on others. Adapt to your own style those behaviors that will help you to be prepared, poised, polished and powerful.

Doris Young Boyer is a keynote speaker on Gracious Leadership, an author, Etiquette, Protocol and Lifestyle Coach. She is trained by the Protocol School of Washington and is an advisor to the C-Suite Network.