Make Up Your Own Voices in Your Head & Ask Questions

• November 20, 2020

 

In 1993, Mark Victor Hansen became a household name. Not because he made a movie or had a new CD out, but because he was the co-author of the wildly popular “Chicken Soup for the Soul” book series, along with Jack Canfield.

The pair sold over 500 million copies worldwide, setting a record in sales. Since that journey, Mark and his wife (and partner), Crystal Dwyer Hansen have traveled the world, imparting their wisdom and life philosophies to people in over 80 countries. Earlier this year, Mark Victor and Crystal were guests on my podcast, “All Business with Jeffrey Hayzlett” on C-Suite Radio and the conversation naturally took a more spiritual turn.

“The purpose of life is joy. You ask for a spiritual answer and that’s it. Your goal is to be passionately on purpose and do two things: create and contribute,” Mark said. The book he co-authored with Crystal, “Ask! The Bridge from Your Dreams to Your Destiny” takes an in-depth look at what the purpose of life is. We often jokingly ask, ‘what is the meaning of life?’ and while we didn’t find that answer this time, we did address some simple, yet difficult things we as human beings fail to do sometimes.

Mark and Crystal have the upper hand on how to handle the difficulties life throws at us – sometimes in rapid succession.

He says, “The difference between those who make it a little and those who make a whole lot and fulfill their destiny…is one thing and one thing only: they’ve learned how to ask.” He adds that while most people are afraid to ask anyone anything, there are three ways to ask:

1. Ask yourself
2. Ask others
3. Ask God

However, there is a bonus ask there, too: Ask your wife (or husband)! That has worked well for me for almost 40 years, so we agreed there should be a fourth question.

But, why are people afraid to ask? Mark and Crystal say there are seven road blocks that prevent us from taking that leap. The main obstacle is fear, as it is associated with unworthiness; therefore, people tend to disengage or shut down.

“The disconnection we’re talking about here is disconnecting from yourself and your own desires. Disconnecting from your own dreams, so you shut down to the point you stop asking for anything,” Crystal says. She continues to say this is one of the saddest roadblocks because it translates to apathy, loneliness, depression, and giving up on life.

However, not all is grim.

“There’s nothing like asking to get you unstuck,” Crystal emphasizes.

This is a journey that will take time, not something immediate. Neither one of my guests has all the answers, but the road to greatness is paved with plenty of speed bumps.

Mark was lucky enough to surround himself with influential people who paved the way for him to write and sell thousands of books – which is not an easy thing to do. As the author of four best-selling books, I can tell you that it takes a lot of work, gumption, and dedication to forge ahead. In fact, his latest book, encourages everyone to tell their stories and make money doing do. Mark believes that we all have meaningful life experiences and when we write them down we get out of the mediocrity and complacency we sometimes fall into.

In business and in life, if you’ve become complacent, it’s time for a change. Routine is comforting, but it doesn’t help us grow. When we wallow in complacency, we run the risk of missing the next big opportunity that awaits.

Mark was turned down 144 times before his book was published. If he had stopped to wallow in his misfortune, we probably wouldn’t be talking today and the “Chicken Soup” series, might still be a figment in someone’s mind.

He is a clear example of perseverance and some might even argue it’s stubbornness, but there’s something to be said about standing by your decisions and pursuing your destiny.

I asked Mark and Crystal about why do people have a hard time pursuing their destiny?

Crystal said, “Our destiny presents itself in our worst challenges, in life’s worst challenges. We just have to remember to rather than sink into our own misery, to challenge ourselves with some questions like he (Mark) did.”

Everyone who has achieved a modicum of success got there by passing through the school of hard knocks. The road isn’t always easy, but it’s worth the pain to get to the top. In fact, Mark tells the story of when he went bankrupt back in 1974. That was a massive failure, but he didn’t let that stop him from putting pedal to the metal.

“Most people who are successful have been through some real trials and tribulations. In the worst trails, instead of giving in and giving up, that’s when we go deep and start asking ourselves, ‘ok this is a massive failure and it feels horrible,” Crystal added.

She continued, “When you start asking yourself questions, research shows that a different part of your brain actually lights up. A different part of your brain goes to work for you…and it’s the part of your brain that does critical thinking. So, your answers are always there for you, but you cannot give up on life because it’s a journey. It’s tough.”

Let’s be clear, failure sucks, but if you’re going to fail, make sure you fail fast…so you can win fast. However, this doesn’t always silence the voices in your head that threatened to derail your plans or your positive thinking.

“Either you use your mind to your advantage or your mind will use you to your disadvantage,” Crystal said.

Our brains are trained to protect us from our own doubts, wired to keep us safe. When difficulties happen, it’s natural that fear and doubt creep in, but we have to fight those voices, and even create our own. It’s about finding our purpose and focusing on the lessons learned from the experience. It’s a matter of retraining our brains to dwell on the possibilities, not the catastrophe.

I often joke that these interviews are more for me because I learn so much from each and every guest, but it’s 100% true. Whether you’re a seasoned leader, a c-suite executive, or just starting on your professional journey, part of that growth and transformation involves looking inward. It’s not about money, titles, and corner offices. Those are good too, but it’s not all there is.

Mark and Crystal are an incredibly insightful team, made stronger by their core beliefs, their faith in one another, and their true partnership.

To listen to the full interview with Mark and Crystal, listen here.

You can also watch Mark’s episode of Best Seller TV, on C-Suite TV, featuring his new book, “You Have a Book In You: Make Money with Your Story.”