So You’ve Ended Up in Transition – How to Get Back In the Game (BIG)

• March 30, 2020

 

So, You’ve Ended Up In Transition

How to Get Back in The Game (BIG)

 

If you’re like most people, you’re going through identity theft!  You’ve lost your title, the company you’ve worked for, your community, a place to belong.  Now what?

Grieve!  Acknowledge the loss of your colleagues and friends, your income, your place to go, your routine.  You’re probably feeling a plethora of emotions – worry, doubt, fear, anger, frustration, hurt, abandonment, guilt, loneliness, hopelessness, maybe even worthlessness!  It’s OK!  You’re human.  Don’t judge yourself for having these emotions.  It’s completely normal.  Just notice them, acknowledge them, and process them. We all have emotions, it’s what we do with them that matters.  Trying to suppress emotion is like telling an emotion not to emote!

Now, here’s BIG Transition Tip #1 – Set a time limit on your grieving!  A day, a weekend, a week.  No longer.  Hanging in a dark place will not serve you.  It sucks your energy and it sucks the energy out of everyone you encounter (even if you think you are hiding it.)  Burn the logo or bury it in the back yard, whatever you need to do.  Make up your mind to move on.

Carrying around negativity is what I like to call Transition Disease.  Nobody wants to catch it.  It makes people want to social distance from you!  They don’t want to help you – they can’t when you are in that state of mind.  You’re BIGGER than that!

 

BIG Transition Tip #2 – Do not let yourself play the victim!  It isn’t who you are.  I don’t care how toxic your last environment was or what a jerk your boss was or how much it sucks that the economy has been impacted, or that it isn’t fair that Mary kept her job and you’re so much better.  You are not a victim here!  You will most likely end up in a better situation than before if you play your cards right.

BIG Transition Tip #3 – Begin to think of transition as a positive experience!  Yeah – that’s right – a career coffee break, a breather, a chance to decompress and de-stress (not distress), a chance to redefine success on your terms, a chance to take your career blinders off and get off autopilot, a chance to reflect, and a chance to recommit with renewed energy.  How often when you were working did you long for a little time off!  Science has shown that we cannot be resourceful, creative and innovative when we are in a negative state of emotions.  Look for what’s right, what’s good about this.  Practice gratitude.

BIG Transition Tip #4 – Reflect on where you have thrived in the past.  Think of the times in your career when you were on your game, energized, engaged, and the best of you was showing up.  The times you were thriving, vs. striving or worse yet, merely surviving.  This is different from your greatest sounding accomplishments.  Get out of your head and what you think is going to impress someone else.  Get into your heart – where were you on fire?  Now reflect on what made each of these situations so meaningful to you.  You will begin to see your strengths, your values, your gifts emerge.  You will also start to see the circumstance that allowed you to thrive.  Extract your personal leadership brand from these moments.  It’s the essence of ‘who you are’ not just ‘what you’ve done.’  I don’t want your personal to be about who you are at your mediocrity – I want the best of who you are!  Coke doesn’t say it’s sugar water.  It says, ’Taste the Feeling!’

Tapping into these stories will also immediately have you feeling better.  You’ve undoubtedly done some cool stuff when you were thriving.   I bet your eyes might even begin to sparkle!

BIG Transition Tip #5 – Take control of those voices inside your head.  We all have a good one and a bad one.  I like to call the good one the whisperer.  It’s kind of quiet and we have to call upon it sometimes to get us through.  It’s the voice that believes in us, cheers us on, has our back.  The other voice I call the gremlin and unfortunately, it screams things at you that you wouldn’t say to your worst enemy!   Here are some of the common limiting beliefs your gremlin might be telling you in transition.  I’m too old.  I just got lucky so far in my career.  I can’t change the industry.  I’m not as smart as I thought I was.  I can’t do ___________ (fill in the blank).  I don’t know if my marriage is going to survive.  I’m going to end up living under a bridge.  I should be able to do my resume, interview, etc.  Stop shoulding all over yourself!  I can’t reach out to people now – I haven’t talked to them in 5 years!  Your gremlin is MEAN and is mostly telling you lies.   Invite these negative thoughts out to play – simply notice them without judging them.  Then challenge them to a game of squash!  Don’t reason with them or try to use logic – that won’t work.  Get snarky, sarcastic, or banter with them.  Ask your whisperer what it would say to each thought.  Begin to create powerful enabling thoughts in place of each limiting belief.  For instance, instead of saying ‘I’m too old,’ say “Wisdom and experience are worth a lot of money!’  Instead of saying ‘I’m in big trouble,’ say ‘Spank me, baby!’

Now that you’ve put the loss behind you, gotten out of victim mode and reclaimed your positive energy, started to focus on the positives of transition, reflected on where you have thrived and who you are when you are thriving and learned to squash those negative thoughts as they arise, it’s time to get out and tap into your network – the people who know you, those whose trust you have gained, and those that have stories to tell about you.

BIG Transition Tip #6 – Take an Objective and Realistic Look at Your Finances – No, you are not going to live under a bridge.  And no, everything you’ve saved for retirement is not likely to go away.  You may have to mindfully manage your cash flow, cut unnecessary expenses, maybe even tap into your savings – worst case, tap into your 401(k) or other retirement plan.  But in all likelihood with good objective date, most executives find being in transition is a blip on their long-range plan – not a financial disaster.  It’s an excellent time to look at your spending, do some long overdue planning, and / or actually prepare a formal budget.  There are a lot of things you can control here that will give you some peace of mind and position you even better for the future.  Look at it as an opportunity rather than a problem.

BIG Transition Tip #7 – Master NetPLAYing^TM – which is taking the work out of networking!   There is an 85% chance you will get your new job through networking!   Your most resourceful state of mind is your #1 career asset.  I would argue your network is your #2 career asset.  Your network isn’t just everyone you’ve worked within the past, it’s your customers, your vendors, your family members, your neighbors, your fellow soccer moms and dads, your church members or fellow volunteers.  You never know where your lead for your next great job is going to come from.  Reach out and just connect with people. My 5 step approach to NetPLAYing involves 1) Forget Your Agenda – Don’t make it be about you being in transition and needing something (yet).  2) Connect, Be Curious, Listen – Catch up with them!  Be interesting by being interested.  People remember 7 % of what you say and 93% about how you make them feel.  Make them feel special.  Reminisce about a fond memory.  Make them laugh.  3) Let Ways To Help Effortlessly Emerge – Don’t be in your own head listening to yourself working to find a way to help because it’s what you think you are supposed to do.  If you are truly listening, it will happen.  Maybe not right at the moment, but it will happen. 4) Follow Through – Most everyone knows someone who says they will do something with good intentions and then doesn’t.  Don’t let that be you!  It will hurt your personal brand.  Under-promise and over-deliver.   5) Keep At It! – Don’t keep score with people.  Pay it into the universe and I promise you the universe will pay it back.  Trust that you are doing the right things.

Everyone you speak to will hold transition as you hold it – your authentic energy around it will transfer.  If you’re needy, desperate, embarrassed, demanding  – you’ll be spreading that transition disease.  If you’re happy to talk to someone and reconnect, they will be excited to reconnect.  Who doesn’t like to just hear from an old colleague?

BIG Transition Tip #8 – Set Goals, Be Disciplined and Set Boundaries – You‘ve lost your routine and your structure so you will need to recreate them.  This will help you focus on the things you can control.  How about 15 calls / meaningful connections/coffee meetings per week?  I had a client that got 10 calls/emails out before 10 am every day!  They might have been reaching out to get things scheduled, follow up emails after connecting, or other meaning ‘feeding’ of his network.  Get 10-15 new LinkedIn connections per week.  Find 4-5 networking functions a month.  Be disciplined and track your progress.  Post it on the refrigerator and talk about your progress with your family.  Let them know why you are doing what you are doing to give them a sense of security.  Finally, set boundaries.  Once you’ve finished your goals for the week, allow yourself some downtime to do something fun.  You can’t and shouldn’t do this 24/7.

You’ve got this.  If you keep your head in the game and do the work, you WILL find meaningful work again, likely in a better position than the last one you were in.  Keep your spirits up.  Stay positive and enjoy the ride!

 

Kimberly Roush is the author of the best-selling book, Who Are You … When You Are BIG? She’s worked with over 3,000 people who have created personal BIG statements which help them get into their most resourceful state of mind on demand.

For more information on our group coaching program for executives – Getting Back in The Game (BIG), or inquires about executive coaching, please reach out to Kimberly Roush at Kimberly@AllStarExecutiveCoaching.com