{"id":17709,"date":"2021-06-14T09:35:36","date_gmt":"2021-06-14T14:35:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/?p=17709"},"modified":"2021-06-14T09:35:36","modified_gmt":"2021-06-14T14:35:36","slug":"why-kids-say-no-and-how-to-occasionally-get-a-yes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/why-kids-say-no-and-how-to-occasionally-get-a-yes\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Kids Say \u201cNo\u201d\u2014and How to (Occasionally) Get a \u201cYes\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

Are you tired of hearing the word \u201cno\u201d from your kid? <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You know how it goes: suddenly your sweet toddler discovers this dreaded two-letter word and begins using it as much as possible\u2014and then keeps using it for the next 16 years!<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

NO, she refuses to eat broccoli for dinner.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

NO, he won\u2019t put pants on.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

NO, he doesn\u2019t want to eat, sleep, or take a bath.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

NO, she won\u2019t say \u201cI love you\u201d to Grandma.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It\u2019s perfectly natural for kids of all ages to <\/span>not just do as they are told or follow orders<\/span><\/a>\u2014but that doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s easy for parents and caregivers to deal with. That\u2019s especially true when you don\u2019t have the right tools to cope with and redirect this frustrating behavior.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Deconstructing Your Child\u2019s \u201cNo\u201d<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

Toddlers and teenagers are alike in their desire to assert their independence.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For toddlers, this defiance stems from them acknowledging their own individuality for the first time and trying to gain some control of their lives. They\u2019re learning the basics of simple cause and effect and using this knowledge (combined with their newfound independence) to test their boundaries in every possible way: <\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>If they push their sippy cup off their high chair, it will fall.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When they refuse to open their mouth to take a bite of carrot, they won\u2019t have to eat it. <\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>And if they say \u201cno\u201d to Mommy\u2019s request for bath time\u2014well, they may not get what they want, but that doesn\u2019t mean they won\u2019t try!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Teenagers also want more control, though for different reasons. They\u2019re at a time in their lives when they lack control over their emotions and bodies and have a legitimate need for self direction and autonomy. Their reaction to any power and control being imposed over them is often to <\/span>rebel, resist, and retaliate<\/span><\/a>. (Psst\u2014this is no different for younger children and adults. It is the human response, and children are people, too.)<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As parents and caregivers, it\u2019s our duty to empower our children to develop a solid sense of self. Healthy autonomy leads to confident adults capable of setting good boundaries, making wise decisions, and having fulfilling relationships with others.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

How to Cope with Your Kid\u2019s \u201cNo\u201d Phase and (Occasionally) Get a Yes!<\/b><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

You\u2019re probably still wondering how you can possibly maintain your own sanity in the midst of all your kid\u2019s never-ending \u201cno\u201d phase. Here are some strategies for dealing with defiant behavior, whether you have a toddler or a teenager:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Let your child practice healthy autonomy. <\/b>Your child is craving self direction, so allow them to have it within reason.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n

    When bedtime rolls around, ask your toddler if they\u2019d rather bathe or brush their teeth first. To a certain extent, the same approach applies to your teen: instead of telling them to go do their chores right now, ask them if they\u2019d rather mow the lawn or tidy up their room today.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

    Just be sure to include everyone in the conversations about how to help out so they always feel empowered as the one choosing.<\/span><\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

    If you didn’t arrive at the chores collaboratively, however, then start there first before you do anything else. Remember that if you are the one deciding who does what and your kids are supposed to line up and do it, you are likely to fail.<\/span><\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Be vulnerable and ask for their help. <\/b>Good news: you don\u2019t always have to be a super mom or super dad!\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

       <\/p>\n

      Contrary to traditional belief, children respond positively to <\/span>seeing their parents vulnerable<\/span><\/a>. Letting your kid see that you\u2019re human helps them relate to you better, so don\u2019t be afraid to ask for their help when you need it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

      Explain to your child that you\u2019re extra tired from work today and will need them to pitch in around the house\u2014whether it\u2019s your toddler setting the table or your teen doing the dishes after dinner.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

      Kids like feeling helpful. Give them the opportunity to step up and meet someone else\u2019s needs before they even think about saying \u201cno.\u201d <\/span>Dr. Marshall Rosenberg<\/span><\/a> used to say that there is a profound need for all humans to make a contribution, and we all are moved to meet this need.\u00a0 That includes all of us: children and adults.<\/span><\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Listen to what your child is saying \u201cyes\u201d to. <\/b>When your child is saying \u201cno\u201d to one thing, they\u2019re saying \u201cyes\u201d to something else\u2014and it\u2019s important to pay attention to what that is.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

         <\/p>\n

        A no to you is a yes to something inside themselves. Get curious about what the yes is inside.\u00a0 Is it a need for choice? Rest? Belonging to or with someone?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

         <\/p>\n

        Is your toddler refusing family movie night because she would rather play independently?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

         <\/p>\n

        Is your teen saying no to tennis practice because he prefers to play violin?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

         <\/p>\n

        Read between the lines to identify your child\u2019s preferences so you can better understand their likes and dislikes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

         <\/p>\n

          \n
        1. Give your requests a positive spin. <\/b>Think about how much better you respond to a positive request than a negative request. Kids are the same way, and they deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

           <\/p>\n

          Here are some examples of reframing a negative request positively:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

           <\/p>\n

          Negative: <\/span>You can\u2019t go out with your friends until you\u2019re done studying!<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

          Positive: <\/span>As soon as you’ve finished your homework, you\u2019re more than welcome to go see your friends.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

           <\/p>\n

          Negative:<\/span> Stop yelling, you\u2019re disturbing the neighbors!<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

          Positive:<\/span> I think our neighbors might be sleeping now, so let\u2019s try to use our indoor voices.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

           <\/p>\n

            \n
          1. Practice \u201cNo, thank you, because.\u201d <\/b>Teach your kids to identify what exactly they need in the moment when they\u2019re refusing something else.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

             <\/p>\n

            Help them practice saying, \u201cNo, thank you, I\u2019d rather not _______ at the moment because _______.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

             <\/p>\n

            Effective communication prevents misunderstandings and temper tantrums, and leads to more positive interactions between parents and children.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

             <\/p>\n

            Don\u2019t let your child\u2019s endless \u201cnos\u201d defeat you. As their parent or caregiver, you have the power to promote harmony and understanding to help everyone in the family through these challenging phases.<\/span><\/p>\n

             <\/p>\n

            Love and Blessings,<\/span><\/p>\n

             <\/p>\n

            Katherine<\/span><\/p>\n

            https:\/\/www.consciousparentingrevolution.com\/<\/a><\/p>\n

             <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

            Are you tired of hearing the word \u201cno\u201d from your kid?   You know how it goes: suddenly your sweet toddler discovers this dreaded two-letter word and begins using it as much as possible\u2014and then keeps using it for the next 16 years!   NO, she refuses to eat broccoli for dinner.   NO, he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":997,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpupg_custom_link":[],"wpupg_custom_link_behaviour":["default"],"wpupg_custom_image":[],"wpupg_custom_image_id":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[36,91,65,45,47],"tags":[],"editorial_calendar_month":[],"class_list":["post-17709","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-best-practices","category-body-language","category-education-reference","category-growth","category-personal-development"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhy Kids Say \u201cNo\u201d\u2014and How to (Occasionally) Get a \u201cYes\u201d - C-Suite Network Advisors<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/why-kids-say-no-and-how-to-occasionally-get-a-yes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why Kids Say \u201cNo\u201d\u2014and How to (Occasionally) Get a \u201cYes\u201d - C-Suite Network Advisors\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Are you tired of hearing the word \u201cno\u201d from your kid?   You know how it goes: suddenly your sweet toddler discovers this dreaded two-letter word and begins using it as much as possible\u2014and then keeps using it for the next 16 years!   NO, she refuses to eat broccoli for dinner.   NO, he […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/why-kids-say-no-and-how-to-occasionally-get-a-yes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"C-Suite Network Advisors\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/consciousparentingrevolution\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-06-14T14:35:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2021\/06\/pexels-ketut-subiyanto-4546116-1024x681-1-800x532.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@https:\/\/twitter.com\/K_WinterSellery\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Katherine Sellery\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/\",\"name\":\"C-Suite Network Advisors\",\"description\":\"Notable Business Experts and Thought Leaders\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/why-kids-say-no-and-how-to-occasionally-get-a-yes\/#primaryimage\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2021\/06\/pexels-ketut-subiyanto-4546116-1024x681-1.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2021\/06\/pexels-ketut-subiyanto-4546116-1024x681-1.jpg\",\"width\":1024,\"height\":681},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/why-kids-say-no-and-how-to-occasionally-get-a-yes\/#webpage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/why-kids-say-no-and-how-to-occasionally-get-a-yes\/\",\"name\":\"Why Kids Say \\u201cNo\\u201d\\u2014and How to (Occasionally) Get a \\u201cYes\\u201d - 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