{"id":31292,"date":"2021-12-27T09:07:20","date_gmt":"2021-12-27T15:07:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/?p=31292"},"modified":"2021-12-27T09:07:20","modified_gmt":"2021-12-27T15:07:20","slug":"dear-katherine-my-son-gets-anxious-when-were-apart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/dear-katherine-my-son-gets-anxious-when-were-apart\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear Katherine: My Son Gets Anxious When We\u2019re Apart"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Katherine,<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My son is very nervous whenever we\u2019re apart. When he\u2019s\u00a0<\/strong>at school<\/strong><\/a>, he wants me to be working from home so he knows that I\u2019m there. Even if I\u2019m just around the block, he stresses out about it.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

He\u2019s afraid that I won\u2019t come back or that I won\u2019t come to pick him up.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

He\u2019s 10 years old, and I want him to enjoy school and other activities that I\u2019m not present for.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

What can I do?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sincerely,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Trying My Best<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n

Trying My Best,<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My heart goes out to your son. He\u2019s dealing with some\u00a0big<\/em>\u00a0feelings! Your situation sounds like a classic case of separation anxiety.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What I want to emphasize first and foremost is that it\u2019s perfectly okay for him to have these feelings.<\/strong> Everything we experience in life serves a purpose\u2014even our most negative emotions. We should never tell our kids that their feelings are bad, scary, or wrong. Doing so is one of the biggest parenting mistakes we can make.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

True self-acceptance has to come first if you want your son to be able to change. When we judge ourselves or our children, we create an unsafe environment for this transformation to take place.<\/p>\n

I have two pieces of advice to help you both through this challenging period:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Be a supportive parent while your son sits with his feelings.\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Your son needs to learn how to be with the parts of him that are anxious instead of letting them define him. Help him create space between him and his anxiety. You can start by talking about it together.<\/p>\n

Try saying,\u00a0\u201cWow, something inside you is feeling really worried.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0Provide space for him to\u00a0talk<\/a>\u00a0about his concerns and how they make something in him feel. With practice, he\u2019ll be able to turn toward these scary feelings, understand what they\u2019re trying to tell him, and get bigger than what\u2019s bugging him.<\/p>\n

Remember, your son can only understand these feelings if can separate them from his identity. If he thinks that\u00a0he<\/em>\u00a0is anxious, instead of recognizing that\u00a0something inside of him feels anxious<\/em>, he won\u2019t be able to accurately assess any associated feelings.<\/p>\n

This approach will help your son cope with negative feelings for the rest of his life. But there are other immediate actions you can take that will help his anxiety, too.<\/p>\n

2. Find ways to be with him, without being with him physically.\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Separation anxiety is a common issue in parent-child relationships. Fortunately, you can help your child feel connected to you even when you\u2019re apart. Together, brainstorm ideas that could help him through the day.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Here are a few to get you started, but this should be a collaborative effort with your child:<\/p>\n