{"id":31702,"date":"2022-02-02T11:11:27","date_gmt":"2022-02-02T17:11:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/?p=31702"},"modified":"2022-02-02T11:11:27","modified_gmt":"2022-02-02T17:11:27","slug":"are-you-stressed-your-kids-are-probably-feeling-it-too-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/csuiteold.c-suitenetwork.com\/advisors\/are-you-stressed-your-kids-are-probably-feeling-it-too-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You Stressed? Your Kids are Probably Feeling It, Too"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Lauren Fulkerson is a US-trained pediatrician and mother of four. As an expat living in Hong Kong, Lauren met Katherine at a school event and immediately knew that the Guidance Approach to Parenting was how she wanted to parent her children. She joined Katherine as a parenting coach at the Conscious Parenting Revolution in 2020. Lauren has a passion for child and family well-being, and she\u2019s an avid runner and CrossFitter.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Take a moment to imagine yourself in these two scenarios:<\/p>\n

Scenario 1:<\/strong>\u00a0You\u2019re having a wonderful day. The sun is out, the birds are chirping, you\u2019ve had a full night\u2019s sleep, and you\u2019re killing it at work. You notice that the kids left their shoes lying around the house again. No big deal. You hum a song while putting the shoes away.<\/p>\n

Scenario 2:<\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s 10 a.m. and you\u2019re ready to call it a day. The weather is cold and gloomy, you\u2019ve had zero sleep, and your coworkers are hounding you for a report you haven\u2019t even started yet. You notice that the kids left their shoes lying around the house again. You lose it. You drag the nearest kid to the scene of the crime and yell up a storm.<\/p>\n

The big difference between those two scenarios?\u00a0S-T-R-E-S-S.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

These scenarios or similar ones are likely very familiar to you. Your different reactions are not due to your child\u2019s identical behavior but rather to your own stress and limited bandwidth in handling that situation.<\/p>\n

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How Stress Impacts Parenting<\/h3>\n

Stress is a natural part of life: a reaction to outside triggers that\u2019s difficult to control\u2014let alone eliminate entirely. And these are especially stressful times we\u2019re living in. A whopping\u00a080% of Americans<\/a>\u00a0reported emotions related to prolonged stress in a January 2021 survey.<\/p>\n

When we\u2019re stressed, our bodies respond with increased reactivity, anxiety, impaired brain function, and decreased ability to manage our tempers\u2014all factors that impact the interactions we have with our children. When we\u2019re stressed, we lose our capacity to manage our kids and navigate the complexities of parenthood.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Besides potentially damaging our relationships with our children, further problems arise when our children begin to mirror these feelings and behaviors. It\u2019s not hard to see the link between a child acting out on the soccer field and a parent yelling on the sidelines. When we react to stress with negativity like anger, frustration, yelling, and even violence, we risk transferring that stress to our kids.<\/p>\n

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Repairing the Effects of Stress on Your Children<\/h3>\n

The good news is that there are proven strategies for managing the effects of stress so your kids won\u2019t bear the brunt of it:<\/p>\n

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  1. Forgive yourself.<\/strong>\u00a0Occasional stress-related outbursts are inevitable. We\u2019re all human. It\u2019s crucial to acknowledge when you have a stressful and challenging day that has limited your capacity and bandwidth to manage the situation the best you could and to forgive yourself. And, of course, it\u2019s also important to put work into learning the skills and tools to reframe your stress into something more manageable. If you need a support system, join the\u00a0Conscious Parenting Revolution Facebook group<\/a>.<\/li>\n
  2. Apologize for outbursts.<\/strong>\u00a0A genuine apology goes a long way. If you completely lost your temper, tell your child that you are sorry and acknowledge the overreaction. Admit that you were triggered and overreacted and that you will try to do better next time. It\u2019s important to ask for consideration from your child as well, so they can learn how to also be aware of your needs. For example, \u201cWould you be willing to put your shoes away next time because I\u2019m worried I will trip and fall\u201d or \u201cI could really use your help in cleaning up and making sure the house is tidy. Would you be willing to help me with that?\u201d Kids understand more than we give them credit for and generally do want to be considerate of others.<\/li>\n
  3. Acknowledge that it\u2019s not about them.<\/strong>\u00a0Do your kids know\u00a0why<\/i>\u00a0you\u2019re feeling so upset? Understanding breeds empathy, so share what\u2019s happening in your life. Help your kids grasp that they aren\u2019t solely responsible for your frayed nerves.<\/li>\n
  4. Talk to them about stress.<\/strong>\u00a0Transform an imperfect situation into a teaching moment for your kids. Start a conversation about the effects of stress, encouraging them to identify stressful situations in their own life. Discuss how everyone in the family can\u00a0effectively handle tense moments<\/a>.<\/li>\n
  5. Ask for help and\u00a0be a supportive partner<\/a>.<\/strong>\u00a0Recognize when you are stressed, will likely overreact and be triggered, and ask for support and help. On days when you\u2019re feeling good and your co-parent is struggling, step in and take over. Offer to take on the mental load so they have time and space to recover. Supporting each other models healthy relationships for your children.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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    Strategies for Long-Term Stress Reduction<\/h3>\n

    Repairing the effects of stress is an important first step, but the real work comes in reducing stress\u00a0before<\/em>\u00a0it becomes a problem:<\/p>\n