The 11 Laws of Likability
Michelle Tillis Lederman
Michelle Tillis Lederman shows how networking can be as easy, enjoyable, and fulfilling as having a conversation with friends—and still be highly beneficial to career goals.
“When networking feels like something you have to do rather than want to do, it’s hard to motivate yourself to do it at all, let alone do it well,” acknowledges Lederman. In her book, THE 11 LAWS OF LIKABILITY: Relationship Networking…Because People Do Business with People They Like she will show you just how to achieve those relationships in business that last.
Forget the conventional emphasis on business transactions, work-related topics, targeted objectives, and self-serving thoughts. Lederman encourages networkers to radically shift their thinking and place a priority on something everyone can relate to, something at the heart of honest, engaging conversations and meaningful connections: liking and being liked.
This book, featuring activities, self-assessment quizzes, and real-life anecdotes from professional and social settings, shows readers how to identify what’s likable in themselves and create honest, authentic interactions that become “wins” for all parties involved.
Readers will discover how to:
- – Start conversations and keep them going with ease
- – Convert acquaintances into friends
- – Uncover people’s preferences and tweak their own personal style to enable engaging, reciprocal interactions
- – Create follow-up and stay in others’ minds long after the initial meeting
The worst thing we can do when trying to establish a personal bond with someone is to come across as manipulative or self-serving. Authentic connections go much deeper—and feel much easier—than trying to hit self-imposed business card collection quotas. This book presents a new paradigm that shows how even the most networking-averse can network…and like it.
I was explaining The Law of Giving (Law #10 from my book The 11 Laws of Likability) during a talk on networking, when a woman in the audience loudly grumbled, “I’m tired of giving.” She threw her hands up in the air and continued, “No one ever gives back.” I paused quickly trying to determine why this could be happening to her. Then I questioned, “What have you asked for?” With a look of something between surprise and confusion she thought about it for a moment and then, a bit deflated said, “nothing.”
It is hard to ask for what you want, but you’ll never get it unless you do. I always say, “If you don’t ask, the answer is no. If you do ask, you immediately increase your odds.” We can’t expect others to read our minds and know what we want (and yes, that includes our spouses.) So let’s talk about how to make ‘the ask’ easy so you can get what you want with the least amount of stress.
First, get clear on your fear. Are you worried you will come off as pushy or annoying? Do you feel guilty that you never did anything for them? Are you worried about jeopardizing the friendship or making them feel uncomfortable?
If any of these sound familiar, choose a strategy to counter your concern. Below are five pressure-free ‘asks’ that snuff the stress out of these situations for you and the person you are asking the favor of.
- – The “Give Them an Out Ask”: When you make this type of request, be sure to give the person an easy way to say ‘no.’ For example, “I am interested in learning more about the day-to-day responsibilities of your job and the company you work for. Would you be available for an informational interview? If you are too swamped with work, though, I understand.”
- – The ‘Alternative Ask”: Give the person an alternative like, “I would love to hear more about the project you are working on. Are you available to talk about it? If not, maybe you can suggest someone else I can talk to.” In this approach, you are giving the person options.
- – The “Shrinking Ask”: This is when you ask for something specific and also offer up a ‘smaller version’ of the favor. You can say, “Are you free to meet for lunch next week. If not, would a phone call be easier for your schedule?”
- – The “Convenient Ask”: Make your ‘ask’ easy to fulfill. The idea is to put the completion of the request on their terms. One way to do this is, “I’d love to set up a time to meet with you next week. Would it be easier for you if I stopped by your office? If so, let me know a day and time that work for your schedule.”
- – The “Non Ask”: Sometimes you can present an opportunity for someone to help without making a direct request. This concept was inspired by Judy Robinett, author of How To Be A Power Connector. When you share your goals and seek advice or ideas you allow other people to make an offer of help without having to ask. For example, “My goal is to make The 11 Laws of Likability a best seller, any advice?”
The only way to get what you want is to ask for it. Most people want to help you but don’t always know how. Consider that in one way you are helping them when you give them the opportunity to help you by making it clear and easy. Keep in mind if they want to say “no,” you want to protect the relationship so let them know it’s okay. Next time you are hesitant to ask try one of these techniques and go ahead and ask for something you want. And let me know how what happens!
Michelle Tillis Lederman CPA, MBA, PCC, named one of Forbes Top 25 Networking Experts, is the author of The 11 Laws of Likability, Heroes Get Hired, and Nail The Interview – Land The Job. Michelle is the founder and CEO of Executive Essentials, a training company that provides customized communications and leadership coaching and training programs. Michelle believes real relationships lead to real results and specializes in teaching people how to communicate with confidence, clarity, and connection.
Her clients include JPMorgan, Morgan Stanley, J&J, Deutsche Bank, GE, MetLife, Sony Music, Jazz at Lincoln Center, and Madison Square Garden. Michelle served as an Adjunct Professor at NYU, is on the faculty of the American Management Association and Rutgers Executive Education and the advisory board of Kean’s Global Business School.
Michelle’s has appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox, Gayle King, NPR, and Martha Stewart Living. She has been featured in the NY Times, Wall Street Journal, MSNBC, Working Mother, Real Simple, US News & World Report, USA Today, AOL, Forbes, CNBC, and About.com among others.
Michelle spent ten years in finance beginning her career as a CPA in Arthur Andersen’s audit practice, later joining Primedia as a mergers & acquisitions analyst. Her experience ranges from venture capital to hedge funds and includes positions as a financial strategist with Deloitte Consulting, a hedge fund investment adviser for HypoVereins Bank, and a director of communications at Investor Analytics, an alternative asset risk management firm.
She served on the faculty at NYU’s Stern School of Business, Rutgers Executive Education, the American Management Association and serves on the board for Kean University’s Global Business School. Executive Essentials is a certified Women Business Enterprise.
To learn more about Michelle, visit:
Websites: www.michelletillislederman.com/, www.executiveessentials.org/
Book Sites; www.11lawsoflikability.com/, www.heroesgethired.com/
YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/user/MichelleLederman
Social Media: twitter.com/mtlederman , facebook.com/MichelleTillisLederman
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/communicationexpertspeaker
Talk Titles:
The Relationship Driven Leader: Because People Do Business With People They Like
You The Brand: Determine and Drive How Others See You
Relationship Networking: Building Personal Connections for Professional Results
Get Known, Get Connected, Get Ahead
